Jenn, part deux

Michelle looked at me seriously. "I thought you said you liked older women?"

Whoa, where did this question come from? Michelle is Jenn's friend. And she's probably in her 30's. And since she's older than I am, I told her in the past--as a flirt--that I like older women. (That's the truth actually. There's something about mature confident women that's so sexy.) But Michelle is just a friend. I am a little bit playful with her sometimes. And Michelle probably thought there was something more to my playful banter.

"Umm.... Yeah, I do.", I replied, with a puzzled look on my face.

"So, I found out you asked Jennifer out. Didn't you know she's too young for you?"

I thought to myself: "Uh oh, this is not going to end pretty."

"Do you know how old she is?"

That made me think. You see, I've had the hardest time guessing the age of caucasian women. I'm pretty sure Jenn was around 24-25. So that puts our age gap at around 3-4 years. That's not bad I thought. So, there's no reason I should be ashamed of admitting that.

But before I could utter anything...

"She's only 19 you know," Michelle said.

Perhaps it was that I was thinking of other things, like how Michelle seems to be upset that this revelation didn't register quickly. All I could mutter was:

"Oh wow." LOL!

That explains a lot regarding the text messages we had exchanged back and forth. I thought it was just quirky... Her being only 19 kind of explains how she responded to some of my text messages. It wasn't one particular text message but one can sense that there's still a kid behind it. She's not a woman yet :(.

I wanted to say to Michelle right there that I would turn Jenn into a woman. Hahaha, that would get me a slap in the face. Jenn's boyfriend was probably still a kid.

But for some reason, the words didn't come out. It simply didn't feel right. I had to let it go... A few more minutes and we ended our conversation. I know she was still upset that I asked her friend, instead of her. I left, oddly enough, contented though.

...

As the weeks had gone by Jenn and I still communicate, either through text or an occasional visit to the Redwest campus. I'd still flirt with her though. The thing that I like about her is she really gets my jokes. That's something rare I found out.

And that's what is so fun being around her...

Janis Ian's Tea and Sympathy

This is just a gorgeous song.

Jenn

I was hoping to avoid writing about this topic because it's one of the less pleasant experiences I've had. But then again I want to look back to this time and relive the memories. So, having said that, let me recount what happened.

It all started when I was supposed to meet a friend in Microsoft's Redwest cafeteria. It was around 3pm, and the day was dark and dreary. Most people think it's depressing. I find it refreshing.

I use to see this girl there whose name I would later learned to be Jenn. She's pretty. Always ties her dark hair in a pony tail. She has a milky white complexion which I noticed is common in the Northwest part of the United States. Her nose stands out quite well and works well with the rest of her other facial features that makes her pretty.

She works there in the cafeteria. And I had admired her from a distance, but nothing was serious about it.

That was until of course, I planned to meet a friend that day at 3pm. The cafeteria was fairly big, so I was searching for him for a few minutes. But before I could find him, I noticed Jenn sitting by herself. I noticed that she was looking at me, perhaps trying to determine if I was someone she knows. I said a casual hi, and she returned the favor. Wanting to prolong the conversation, I told her I saw her by RTC (Redmond town center) a couple of days back. She said she was with her friends to watch "I Am Legend". I asked about specific points in the movie, and after a few more minutes of back and forth talk, I said she enjoy her day and I went back to search for my lost friend.

The conversation felt good. But I had easily forgotten about it. Days later I was able to chit chat with her again, I told her that the following week will be my last week in Microsoft. We had a short conversation about it, and I even made some jokes... which to my surprise she got them right away. At this point I was thinking that perhaps there's a chance that she would be interested in me.

And what happens next is perhaps the greatest moment in that conversation. Bluntly, I asked her if she has a boyfriend. The reason for the bluntness was I wanted to convey that I was dead serious about my intentions and that I didn't plan on beating about the bush. Now, asking this question was perhaps not the most tactful thing I have done. Nor does it exactly serve my purposes. When asked this question, women generally tend to be guarded at the very least or worse, freak out.

She probably paused just 1 second before answering, but it seemed like it took longer than that. If she says no, then yay for me! If she says yes, well... it does not necessarily mean anything. (yeah right...)

"Yes I do." was her reply.

"Bummer", I thought.

I forgot how I managed to salvage my bruised ego and make a graceful exit. But I did. And I went back to my office... somewhat deflated... but oddly enough, exhilarated.

It was a ballsy question. And I had to find out right away if there was an opportunity there or not. I would love it if there was. But regardless of the situation, it was a gutsy move that I was proud of. So despite it not going how I wanted it to go, I was able to do it. I pulled the trigger so to speak.

Now the next day... I was caught up in how hectic my schedule was that I forgot about this conversation. So I saw her again, this time from a distance. There's just something about looking at her that makes time seem to slow down. Something graceful, something that makes me say "Aahhh... there she is..."

I know she has a boyfriend, but so what? This is America! People switch boyfriends here like they switch shirts. So, why not give it one more go?

I'd rather make a fool of myself a second time rather than give up this quickly and never know what could have been. So... I timed my approach so that there's not a lot of people, and only the two of us are there. I started a chat again. But this time, I would like to make it explicit that I was asking her out for coffee.

I explained to her it was my last week in Microsoft and that I would appreciate it if we could have coffee together. I didn't try to say anything cheesy because she probably already knows why I'm asking her. If I said something else, she'll see through it. And I'd rather be lame than disingenuous.

For some miracle from God, she said yes. I even asked for her number and she gave it to me. "What the hell!?", I was thinking to myself.

Was there something different today than yesterday? Yesterday, she was all, "Oh, I have a boyfriend" mode, now she's giving her contact information and saying yes to my asking her out on a date.

Now, fast forward to the day of the coffee 'date'.

[Hmm, I'm getting sleepy. Perhaps I'll continue this at a later time...]

Beauty of Seattle

This is one of those appreciation posts... So I warn you, it might be too cheesy.

I woke up one day and looked at the window outside. It's 'sunny' by Seattle standards. And it made me remember back when I was in San Diego. Weather like this isn't considered 'sunny' there, in fact, people will be puzzled because it's a little bit tad darker.

A lot of people have shied away from Seattle's weather. They use words like 'bleak', 'drenched', and other melancholic adjectives. They hate the rain, and the early darkness that follow.

I see it differently. The rain is actually romantic. When else can you stop and squeeze in to a tiny space to avoid the rain? And when you do stop, you can then appreciate where you are. The people around you. The surroundings.

And when it's 'sunny', I feel energetic. In San Diego, I did feel energetic, but I didn't appreciate it that much. In Seattle, since sunny days are few and far between, I can't help but smile. "What a wonderful day it is today!" becomes a genuine feeling. Indeed, I haven't seen a sunny day for long times that it's truly makes me appreciate when it does come. And I just am there, by myself, marveling at what the sun reveals.

Seattle has a different weather pattern than other states I've been in, but none the less beautiful. I just need to stop and be still and she reveals her beauty.

Thinking of Going Home

Lately, I've been thinking of going back to the Philippines, for good. I use to day dream it but it's usually nothing serious. The past few days however, I'm beginning to realize that going back to the Philippines might not be a bad move.

I've been in the United States since 2002, so that's about 6 years. It's been a long ride, and I've made lots of friends here already. But I've been seeing that the things that made me chase the dream to go to America, it has been where I've come from right from the beginning.

It took me to go here to realize what I want in life. I'm not talking merely of materialistic aspirations, but also of intangible ones. And it took me some more time to realize that those things I want in life... are there where I came from.

How ironic is that?

Don't get me wrong, I love it here. The people are very friendly, honest and caring. The Americans I've made friends with are characters I'll cherish in my life. Even the Filipinos here are amazingly friendly people.

But no matter how wonderful this place is, there's still that desire to go back... to where you come from... Would a pond fish really enjoy the open ocean? Sometimes, it needs to come back, because no matter how wonderful and better the ocean is, it's home is the pond.

If I ever do come back, I won't feel that I've wasted my time here. Far from it. I've learned a lot. And perhaps the best gift I've received is I've seen the Philippines and Filipinos in a new light. How wonderful is it to truly see how beautiful the my country is, and it's people.

And I wouldn't see that, had I not gone here.

Sweets vs Exercise

I am getting fat these days due to my affinity with sweets and the tasty grease-filled food I've been indulging in the past few weeks.

Man oh man, I love sweets! Specifically white chocolate. Yum yum!

Here's my tally of scores however to track who's winning

Sweets: 117
Exercise: 3

GR

I've anticipated the day for weeks. It is finally here. My main motivation really is to see other Filipinos in Microsoft. In my building, I know of only one, but from the mailing list, there are lots. And I mean LOTS. So, here's my opportunity to meet them.

The party was supposed to start at 6; Robbie and I came at around 6:15, but still, it looks like we're the first ones there. I made eye to eye contact with one of the ushers. I said a warm hi, and we got registered.

There were probably 10 tables, and we decided to sit at one. There were lots of people to get to know, and just keeping track of remembering their names took all of my attention. I saw this girl sit on another table. But I didn't pay attention to her. She was average looking, maybe even on the not so good looking side. But she was well dressed, and she looked groomed. At least I'll give her that. Anyway, I didn't pay much attention to her. I was still busy remembering the dizzying names of people that I just go to know.

There were a few students in the room from the local school. Turns out they have a class trip to the Philippines to install computer networks in some schools there. Cool, I thought to myself. Robbie and I joined in for a conversation; so did this woman on the other table. She introduced herself. And I'll call her GR.

Right off the bat, GR was very good in English, the first thing that came to my mind was she probably grew up here. But more than that, she spoke clearly and confidently. I was mystified. There was something about the way she talked and the way she carried herself. She was so sure of herself. She has an attitude and speaks her mind.

Once the clique ended, I whispered to Rob that I'd like to talk to GR later in the party. He said he can see why I'd be attracted to her. I couldn't quite articulate why she turned me on, I guess it's because confidence is so sexy. Or perhaps it's a subconscious switch that tells the brain that confident people are good in bed.

As the party progressed, I got bits and pieces of small talk going. But no deep conversation. She departed early, and I just said goodnight. I looked up her registration and remembered her email address.

Now, if I can only sum up the courage to ask her for a casual chat over coffee...