The beginning of the end

There have been things that I would like to talk about. But I would probably prefer a more anonymous way. Maybe I will close this blog. It has been good, but I feel I cannot really say what I want, unless I'm anonymous

I want a blog where I can be honest. To say what I'm thinking and at the same time, talk about my past in more open light.

I have come to a point today where there's no longer a need to hide my past. There is no need to glorify it either. But to revisit it and come into terms with what has happened and to forgive myself for the roles I have taken part of.

There's no longer a need to be ashamed about them, to cast them away in a shadow of guilt. It is what it is. It is what has defined me. It's scars, I will carry for the rest of my life. And previously, that thought would make me hide in shame. Hiding the scars that have defined me.

I tried to hide who I was...

But today there is no more shame. No more hate. What is left is understanding that what I did in my past that I wasn't proud of was what I thought was the best given at that time. And what's more significant is that I feel a little love--for myself, for what has happened and for the characters in my life during those times.

I love.